Keep Holding On

Wow, I can't believe I'll be going into my 4th week (a month!) as a nurse. I don't think it has fully hit me that I'm a NURSE! I think it might be because I'm still orienting and feel as if there is sooo much still to learn.

I love my job and while nursing is hard and not for everyone, I think it's one of the most rewarding jobs out there. As a nurse you are constantly learning, evolving, and growing. Not only do you learn new things everyday, but get to meet new people too.

This past week I had a patient who really stands out in my memory. She was a lady who had suffered from a diabetic coma for two days before anyone knew and found her. It's amazing that she was even alive. In layman's terms, she's a diabetic and her blood sugar reached dangerously high levels that she passed out due to dehydration; too much glucose surrounds the cells and the concentration gradient causes water to be pulled out of the cells in an attempt to balance things. This extra water is excreted by the kidney out of the body as urine. In this dehydrated state, cells such as brain cells cannot function and eventually lose the ability to function.

The result: my patient is not alert or oriented. While she opens and closes her eyes when she's not sleeping, she is in a constant far off gaze. She doesn't follow you with her eyes as some stroke or brain trauma patients do. She doesn't respond to painful stimulus. She doesn't talk or move voluntarily. She has trach in her throat because she cannot consciously get rid of the sputum/spit that builds in her throat. Likewise, she cannot chew or swallow so she has to receive nutrients and medications through a PEG tube (a tube that goes into her stomach). What a life. And will she ever get better? I believe that miracles do happen, but logic and statistics argue differently.

But she IS still alive. Parts of her brain still function to keep her breathing and her heart beating. She is still a person; a human being. And as a human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Even though her random movements and jerking of her arms and legs, her opening of her eyes and yawning give her family hope, it's sad to think that that's all it could be. Just hope.

As a nurse, you are trained to think critically and logically. We work in a field driven by medicine and science. Yet, we also deal with issues of culture, emotions, and spirituality. We deal with life. And even though my education tells me that this woman will always remain in this flaccid state of limbo... those rare moments when she smiles at me also give me hope :)